25 weeks - toenail drama

This post might seem a bit out of the blue, because having looked back over the blog it seems I haven't really talked about this very much, but I think that is because previously it didn't seem a big deal.

Way back when my casts came off at seven weeks, I talked about how my left middle toe was very very painful, red and swollen in this post. I thought it had been crushed by the cast a bit and so wasn't overly concerned.

I did raise it with my surgeon in my email to him, and his reply, which I posted here .

Basically he said: "I am sorry to hear that your left middle toe is very red and if it is clear that the plaster has been rubbing then I am sure this will settle quickly. If, however, it continues to be uncomfortable I might suggest you ask your GP to see it."

Now, I feel rather let down by this. I think that if he or one of his colleagues did not feel they wanted to look at it, they should have told me to make an appointment with my GP.

As it was phrased, I felt the subtext was: "Hey, silly patient, it's fine, stop worrying about nothing. But if you are a total hypochondriac, go and pester your GP and waste his precious time."

I certainly didn't feel encouraged to go and see my GP to get it checked out, and so when I continued to have problems with it, I didn't even talk about it on here, so convinced was I that it was nothing.

Well, more fool me.

It did start to become clear that the toenail had been damaged, but after reading up on runners' forums about toenail loss it seemed to be a minor cosmetic issue that would eventually resolve when the broken nail grew out and a new one appeared beneath.

So when, in the bath one day, the old one came off, and I could see a small new one below, I thought it was all sorted.

Then, when that new one became discoloured, I wasn't overly bothered as I had read that sometimes bad damage to the nail bed took a nail or two to resolve.

Well, a few weeks ago I was concerned enough to try and get an appointment with my GP. The nail was white and thick, and obviously lifting off the nail bed *boke*. My appointment is tomorrow but I have now self-dagnosed with the help of Dr Google, and it is clear that the original damage and infection have resulted in a fungal nail infection which is now very well established.

Of course, had I not been made to feel that I were being a hypochondriac, then I would have gone to the GP earlier, and got treatment earlier. Fungal nail infections are notoriously difficult to treat, and to make matters worse, most treatments can't be carried out while breastfeeding or when pregnant or trying to conceive.

I currently tick one of those boxes, will soon be ticking two, and hope that shortly I'll be ticking a different two.

Does that make sense? Basically I breastfeed the Little Lady and we are going to TTC (try to conceive) as of next month (I know, I know, TMI!) and hopefully will soon be pregnant.

So I can't treat it!

Well, there are some home remedies I might try but I'll see what my GP says when I finally get to see them tomorrow (yes it took about two weeks to get a simple appointment).

I am really upset and cross and feel so let down. If Mr Nugent had just said "go and see your GP about your toe" then I could have had help so much earlier, before it got this bad. And now, my feet are still ugly and horrid, because while the toes are straight, my toenail is grimsville.

In fact, today I pulled the second dead toenail off and underneath is just soft nail bed and white stuff, which I assume is the fungus *double boke*.

The strong of heart may enjoy the following pictures. EVeryone else should scroll to the bold part quickly.

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off you go, squeamish ones

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Ok, here we go then. Here is my bokey toenail before I pulled it off.



You can see that it looks white and a bit fringed around the edges. And I can tell you that it was just held on by virtue of being tucked under the skin at the edges. It was so easy to just prise it off gently.

This picture shows what it looks like now, sans nail.



My poor toe! It looks all gammy and grim. The white stuff does scrape off a bit but I'm worried about transferring the fungus to my fingernails, so only did that a bit before realising it was a bad idea. I think I should probably try and remove it if I can, but the skin is tender.


The next two are shots of the toenail that came off. It's really just a nail remnant, and it is very white.

Top:



And underneath:



I chucked it in the bin before thinking I should have taken it with me to the GP so they can test it, but I bet they wouldn't have anyway.

Squeamish people return here.

My Googling has found that a lot of people swear by the following home remedies for fungal nail:

1 - vinegar

2 - gentian violet

3 - Vicks Vaporub

4 - tea tree oil

Those are in no particular order. Now, as gentian violet is often touted as a remedy for nipple thrush (the things you learn as a breastfeeding supporter!) I can see that it might work on toe fungus too.

Vinegar is very popular, and as I have white vinegar in the cupboard, I may well have a go at that. I'm very intrigued by Vicks Vaporub and would love to know if anyone has tried it.

The only good thing about my nail having come off is that it is easier to get at the fungus which would otherwise have been covered by it, so I'm hopeful that perhaps in the month I've got available before we TTC, I can at least get the fungus on the retreat, and then I can stop using any prescribed treatment (as the Little Lady is nearly four and feeds about once a day, I won't bother telling the GP I'm breastfeeding and I know they won't ask as they won't expect it at this age) and get going with the vinegar (or Vicks).

I'm still really fed up about this unexpected side effect of the surgery though.

21 weeks - approaching normality

HUGE APOLOGIES! I thought I'd published this but it was still in my drafts. Sorry! I think I was going to add some pictures, but instead I'll just get this posted and do pictures for you another time. I do have videos I've been doing but I have so much trouble getting them uploaded to YouTube I may give up on them. Anyway, hope this is still useful/interesting and I'll get writing more I promise.

*should have been published a month ago, whoops*

It's been three weeks since my last update, and I'm now 21 weeks post-surgery.

Last week I picked up my new, custom, orthotics from the hospital. That marked the end of my hospital appointments at the Royal Berks, apart from when I need the orthotics replacing in about two years' time.

The orthotics are as slim as they can make them. You can see from the picture that they are really thin, but the curve of them where they support my arch and heel means that they push my foot up, which means I need to be careful what kind of shoes I wear.

I am working on a post looking at shoes, but basically my orthotist would like me to wear big, clunky shoes with very rounded toes, either completely closed or with a wide strap, and generally pretty ugly.

So far I've found I can wear my orthotics in my flat ballerinas, which have a rounded toe, because although they have no strap they grip the back of my heel and my heel doesn't slip out of shoe when I walk, which is often a problem with very open shoes.

I also wear a pair of sporty styled shoes with two velcro straps over the foot.

As the weather warms up, I probably won't wear the orthotics as often as I should, because you cannot wear them in sandals, but I do make sure that I am conscious of my foot positioning and pronation, and I hope that will be enough to make up for it. I'll definitely wear them all winter.

Right now, I can't wear them the whole time anyway. The orthotist told me I had to build it up by wearing them for half an hour the first day, then an hour the next day, and two hours the next, and so on.

I find they do make my feet and legs ache, because the muscles are adjusting to the new positioning, so I'm still working on increasing the time. I can't wear them in the house unless I wear shoes inside, and I usually wear slippers, so it's taking me longer to build the time up, but I think that's OK.

I also saw my physiotherapist again. I know Ed has been reading the blog, so "Hello Ed!" *waves*

I had to admit I've not been doing my exercises as much as I should have been, because they make me hurt, so I have promised that over the next month I will do them regularly, and wear my orthotics, and hopefully when I go again he will discharge me.

I did go back to yoga and have done two sessions now. Surprisingly, it wasn't as hard as I expected.

During my recovery I have been making sure I did foot exercises, and calf stretches, and I found I was no where near as stiff as I thought I'd be. My teacher, Minna (who also reads this so "Hi Minna!" *waves again*) does try to tell me to take it easy but I like to push myself and I never do anything that is painful.

As expected, it was a challenge to roll over my toes to go from all fours into downward dog, for example, but I either do it one foot at a time, or I do both together but put a lot of my weight onto my hands and arms.

Over time, it will definitely get back to normal, I'm sure.

I am actually really pleased with my recovery; with my range of motion and with my lack of pain. I know I've worked hard on my recovery but I also feel very lucky and blessed.

I do still have the problem with my toenail on my left foot, but I can now see that there is a new nail growing under the old one, and the old one is growing out, so in six months that is going to be back to normal. It's irritating, but a temporary annoyance.

So there we are! I'm still doing my exercises, building up my general stamina for walking and standing, and sometimes overdoing it a bit! Some days I'm fine, some days my legs and feet really ache, but the progress is in the right direction and soon, in terms of medical appointments, I'll be flying solo!

As usual, please ask any questions or make any comments below.

Exercises

I thought it might be helpful to have a post with all the exercises I have to do.

Currently, I do a mixture of things my physio has given me, and some that I have found/invented myself.

1 - the elastic band
Take an elastic band, a reaonably thick one, and hook it round the big toe from below. allow the band to pull the toe up, then use muscles to pull toe back down next to the others. Repeat 20 times.
Move band so it is hooked from above. Use other foot to hold it on ground then lift foot so big toe is pointing down and other toes are not. Use muscles to pull the toe up, next to the others. Repeat 20 times.

Do 2-3 sets of these twice a day.

2 - the resistance band
Hook resistance band around something heavy, like a table leg. Place foot inside band loop, with band on big toe side of foot. Move foot till it is swung out to the side by the resistance. Then scoop the foot against the resistance even more, as though you wanted to look at the sole of your foot. Repeat 10-20 times.

Do 2 sets 2 times a day, building up to 3-4 sets once a day.

I found some pictures of this. The first one shows how I've been doing it, using the kitchen table leg to hold the band out to the side. I used to sit on a chair but it makes my knee hurt so now I sit on the floor like this guy is:



Picture courtesy of www.physioadvisor.com.au.

And then I found this picture:



Picture courtesy of https://healthy.kaiserpermanente.org

Which shows using the other foot to hold the band so you can hold it with your hand, meaning you can do it anywhere. Revelation! I'll be doing it like that from now on.

3 - toe curls
Various things to help the toes curl up and back, like tiptoeing but not while standing.

a) Lie in bed on your front. Curl toes under and use mattress resistance to help you bend them until it begins to feel uncomfortable. Stop and breathe through discomfort, then increase the stretch.

b) Face a wall, a little way away, and place palms on wall, leaning forward, as though to do a calf stretch, but then go on toes to curl them back. Do both at once if possible, one at a time if not. Increase stretch by moving further away from the wall.

Personally, I find this one scary and painful, and so I do it one at a time, but Ed says I should do it both together ideally.

c) Stand facing a stair (or wall). Position yourself so your toes are up the stair and your sole on the floor. The closer you are to the stair, the bigger the stretch.

4 - tiptoe exercise
Go up on tiptoe, either using your hand to support yourself on a table or sofa, or freestanding, and allow your weight to go through the toes. Go as high as you can.

5 - toe bends
These are to help your toes bend down, and to counteract all that tiptoeing.

a) Sit down and use your hand to bend all the toes over and down, stretchng as much as possible. Then do each toe one at a time.

b) Stand up, and tuck the toes of one foot under so the nails are on the floor. Put some body weight through until the stretch is uncomfortable, then hold.

6 - toe V-bends
Using your hands, pull the big toe out, away from the other toes, to create a V shape. Hold at your maximum stretch for a while, then release.

Currently, these are all the things I am doing, as well as massaging my feet generally, and my plantar fascia muscle (the arch of the foot) specifically, as that gets quite achy.

It's a lot, and that's why they don't all get done every day, but they do all get done over a week, usually. It is hard work, but that's the only way that the mobility can be regained - it won't come back on its own, you do need to work at it.

Wobbles and worries

Something I know from previous times I've had surgery that alters my appearance, is that at various points along the road to recovery I end up having moments of severe anxiety.

I'm sure this is just a normal part of the process. Having surgery is a major thing in itself, but add in the fact that you want certain results from it, both functional and aesthetic, and there is huge potential for worry.

My main aim with having my bunions done was to end the pain, but I also wanted to get rid of the unsightly bumps on the sides of my feet, and have pretty feet that I wasn't ashamed of people seeing.

I've had a couple of moments of worry, one of which is happening now, and they are both about the same thing - are my big toes really fixed or are they bending back over?

Now, you've seen the pictures, so you know that in reality the toes are much straighter than before. But I have times when I think they are shifting back over again. And there are times when it really does look like that, but then I wonder what other people's feet look like, and I reckon mine, now, probably look like most people's.

Or at least, most people who habitually wear shoes. It wouldn't be helpful to compare my feet to unshod peoples', which look very different (and presumably much more like all feet should naturally look).




As you can see, the shod foot looks like what we would call a 'normal'foot, whereas the shoe that hasn't worn shoes (quite possibly, ever) has more spread-out toes. I'm going to revisit this in a blog post at some point; I find the whole barefoot movement facinating and very appealing.

Anyway, what's been happening is that occasionally I look at my feet (first thing in the morning and in the bath are particular flashpoints) and think "oh my goodness! Look at my toes!! the big toes have gone back to where they were before! They're touching my second toes! It's all gone wrong!" and I feel like crying.

I'm sharing this only so other people who have this surgery will know that this reaction is normal and to be expected. It is also not rooted in reality.

Here's some pictures to show you what I mean.

When my feet have been resting for a while without the spacers, such as overnight, or in the bath, they tend to look like this.




Which does look horribly like the big toes have moved back toward the other toes. However, this picture is of the feet in mid air, not on the ground, plus some of what is happening is that the other toes have moved into a straighter position now the big toe is not constantly shoving them over to the side, so filling the space I've grown accustomed to seeing next to my big toe, especially when I have the spacers in.

Here is the foot placed on the ground.




I don't think the actual toe placement is any different, although the right one may have moved slightly, but being on the ground somehow makes the big toe look straighter, so my theory is that the pressure from the floor alters the shape of the rest of the foot. (And yes, I do seem to be holding my left foot at a funny angle, it's probably because it hurts, thanks to Emma of orthotics.)


And here are my feet after I walked (well, limped) around the living room, then stood still.




It's a subtle difference between this picture and the first one, but the toes have spread out slightly from the weight on them and the action of walking, and they look much more how I would want them to look (although never as straight as with the spacers, sadly).

So, I hope this shows how wobbles and worries are just that, and shouldn't be taken too seriously.

And if all else fails, I just have another look at my before picture.




Yep. Surgery definitely worked!

The osteopath gets her hands on my feet

The last time I went to see my osteopath, Jane Kaushal of Hands On Health, she seemed rather keen to get her hands on my feet!

I felt too nervous last time, but in the last fortnight my feet seem to have improved a lot so I thought that yesterday I'd allow her to have a go at them.

Because the orthotics woman had really hurt my left foot (see this post for details) Jane decided just to look at my right foot.

She massaged the arch of the foot, or more specifically, the plantar fascia muscle that runs under the foot. I know that muscle is really tight as just pressing on it with my finger is painful, so it was good to have her expert hands on it.

She spent a few minutes on it at the end of my usual session, so it was only a quick massage, but it made a big difference - my feet felt really different afterwards.

Encouragingly, Jane said she felt that my midfoot was much more flexible than she had expected. I'm hoping this is because I've been doing my exercises and looking after my feet, but it may simply be because I am highly flexible.

The midfoot is the blue section in this picture. The grey section is the bit of the foot up to where the toes start, which I guess is called the forefoot, and the white bit is is the toes. I assume medical people also call those toes, lol. (You can read about foot anatomy here.)




I have borrowed this picture from this website. If you click on the link, you may notice, as I did, that the foot used in the video on the page has a bunion! They are EVERYWHERE and I plan to do a post on that at some point as the more I look at feet in magazines and images, the more I see bunions.

But I digress.

So, Jane was generally happy with how my feet are recovering, which is great to hear as I really respect and value her opinion. I also plan to let her loose on my feet again, and hopefully both of them, as it made a big difference to my right foot and I think will help speed my recovery.

So far, my recommendations for good recovery are:

Decent trainers (*sad face*)

Toe spacers

Exercises (see here and here)

Physiotherapy

Osteopathy

Plenty of rest for the first weeks/months

Gentle mobilisation when you are ready

And most important - LISTEN TO YOUR BODY and do what it tells you. Don't push it too far.

One final point. Jane felt it was important for me to spend some time without the spacers in. I do already take them out at night (keep meaning to post about that) but now I'm going to incorporate some spacer-free time in the day too, and walk around without them. Jane said it would help with the muscle mobility, which may be hindered by using the spacers all day. (Jane, if you're reading and I've not explained that very well, feel free to email me a better explanation I can post on here.)

Two hospitals, one day, and three orthotics.

Thursday was a busy day, and not just because it was Valentine's Day and I was sorting through my large pile of cards from admirers for the best part of the morning.

Lol.

Actually, I did end up with three cards - one from the hubby and two from the Little Lady, bless her - but I was busy because I had two hospital visits.

The first was at the Royal Berks to the orthotics department. You may remember I'd asked to be referred when I had my casts off, and the appointment came through very fast.

It turns out that it came through too fast, and I have to go back in a month, but I did have a full appointment anyway.

I saw someone called Emma. I'm not sure what her title was because I didn't catch it (does anyone ever? They just rush their name and title at you as soon as you walk in and I'm lucky if I remember their name) and she isn't listed on the department's web page so I can't look her up.

What can I say about her? She was young, probably mid to late 20s, she was Scottish...oh yes, she nearly crippled me.

Obviously she needed to examine my feet, but she took hold of my left big toe, grabbed it and then YANKED it up towards the ceiling!

I nearly hit her!

It was so painful, but she didn't feel the need to apologise. She just carried on.

I did ask her to be more gentle, and we managed the rest of the examination without incident, although afterwards she said "I thought you were going to assault me". If I had, I'd only have been returning the favour!

I wasn't very impressed with Scottish Emma, which is a shame as we share both a name and a heritage, but she told me all about how bunions are not caused by anything at all, and are not only purely genetic (that bit's true) but "just happen". Hmmm. Not what almost every other medical professional will say, but she certainly seemed to believe it.

Another medic to add to my "do not believe" list I guess.

I came away with some insoles for my shoes, with added-on bits supposedly making them a bit more tailored to my feet.

When I go back they will see whether I need custom-made ones, which was what they were going to make for me this time but can't. The ones I was given cost £50 while the custom ones cost £150, so I imagine they'll try to avoid making some for me if possible.

This is what they look like.




The coloured bits are the added-on sections.

And this is the box, in case you're interested. Emma told me that it is cheaper to buy them direct from Talar so if you want to get some then this is the box to look for. I had a look on their website and am not sure which ones are mine exactly, but they definitely are cheaper direct.







Emma told me to wear them for short periods and build up to a full day because the foot has to get used to a new position. I figured that I am a) not walking much and b) getting used to new foot function anyway, so I'd just wear them whenever I wear my trainers.

That appointment done with, and a new one booked for next month (at which I hope I get someone else), I went to my local hospital in the afternoon for a physio assessment.

Townlands Hospital is a cute community hospital which has been saved from closure numerous times, although much of it has been shut down, including the maternity unit. These days if you want your child to be born in the town then you have to have a home birth (which is exactly what I did, although not for that reason).

We still have one building left, which houses the minor injuries unit (like a mini A&E, very useful) and the physio department, plus X-ray facilities, and other things such as clinics. My first appointment with Mr Nugent was at Townlands; it's an excellent facility to have.

Enough eulogising!

My appointment was with Ed. Unlike the RBH physio bit I went to while on Hunter ward, which was like a storecupboard, Townlands has a large room filled with equipment, although there was only Ed and me there.

We chatted about my history and operation, and Ed had a look and tested my mobility.

Sadly, because nobody measured my mobility before my op, we don't really know how much I have lost. Ed says there's no 'normal' so it's impossible to say, which is a shame really.

But what I do have is the ability to bend my toe 35 degrees, which is about two-thirds of what Ed can achieve, so I'm not doing too badly. I am pretty hypermobile, so I probably had much more than that, but average will suit me fine.

Apparently my toes are weak and stiff, but that's only to be expected really. Thankfully, Ed approves of all my exercises (see here and here) and just added in one more, which uses an elastic band (very high-tech!) as a resistance band for my big toes.

Basically I have to use the band to pull my toe in one direction, like towards me, then use my toe to push against that the other way, then swap and do it in the other direction. This will build up my strength in my toes.

Ed also had a look at my orthotics, and devised me a different one, for my most painful foot. It's a short-term fix for my pain when walking. The idea is that my other toes are lifted up so that when I propel off from my toes the big toe doesn't have so far to travel.

In the short-term this will help me learn a new gait or way of walking that is correct, as at the moment I'm tending to either walk stiffly, or to propel off the side of my foot.

This orthotic looks like this:




It's basically made from thin foam board (probably not the proper name for it) like the stuff you can get for crafts, and some cut up pieces of that padded sticky stuff (also not the proper name) that you can get from Boots, like this.

All very Blue Peter, but it does work.

One thing you might notice is that it has been cut to my actual foot shape. Yes, that is my actual foot shape! Amazing. I'm so pleased.

I see Ed again in a couple of weeks. Our goals are to maximise mobility and minimise pain, so we shall see if we can manage it.

Ed did say he might read the blog, so if you are reading Ed, then hello!

A letter from my surgeon

You may remember the rather unsatisfactory dicsussion I had with a doctor the last time I went to hospital, to have my casts removed.

If you don't, then you can read about it here, but basically he told me I could wear any shoes I wanted from that point on, I could drive within a few days, and didn't need to do any exercises or have physiotherapy.

I was deeply unhappy with that advice because I felt that it was, not to put too fine a point on it, wrong.

So I called my surgeon's secretary, who was lovely and agreed to print out an email from me and give it to Mr Nugent.

So I did that on the Wednesday after my Tuesday appointment. On Friday afternoon I realised I'd had a bounceback to my spam folder (doh!) so I resent it. And then I waited.

It took a long time, due mainly I think to the actual time it took for the letter to be posted, but last week I received a letter with some responses to my questions.

I had asked:

Should I be wearing trainers?

Can I walk barefoot in the house? Or should I wear the velcro shoes?

Should I be doing some exercises? The doctor yesterday said no but I have heard of just gently moving the toe up and down, and raising the foot on the toes, to increase the range of motion, and if appropriate I would like to do that - is it OK?

The doctor also said I could drive next week but I don't feel I'll be ready. When is normal to go back to driving?

My middle left toe is very red, swollen and feels bruised, and kept me awake with agonising pain last night despite me taking two codeine tablets. I think the cast has been pressing on it and has bruised it. Is this likely and should I be doing anything?

The doctor told me I could rub Bio Oil on my incisions to help the scars, so I am doing that. Is there anything else I should be doing for scar management?

How much walking should I try to do? I feel very unstable and sore, and not sure how much would be too much?

Also, the skin on my foot where the cast was is very tender, feels gritty and is a speckled red, is that OK? I rubbed all the dead skin off by hand in the bath last night so maybe I was bit enthusiastic?

Can I take the spacers out when I have a bath or do they need to be in 24/7?

My right spacer is very uncomfortable under the adjacent toe when I walk - can I cut it to make it less lumpy or is it possible to get a new one made?

So many questions! But in my opinion they should all have been answered at the appointment, without me having to ask. I'd say they are fairly basic.

Mr Nugent was comprehensive in his reply, which I've photographed removing my identifying information. I hope you can read it. I think that if you click on each picture it will open up an enlarged version for you.

He has said everything I expected to hear, really.

Yes, I need to wear trainers.

Yes, I need physiotherapy.

No, I can't drive immediately.

Yes, I can trim the spacers. Although I didn't expect to be told I could stop wearing them at nine weeks. I'm choosing to continue to wear them.

Yes I need to exercise although walking should be sufficient. I'm choosing to do some specific exercises as detailed in these posts, though, because I think they are useful.

So that's good to know. But I think that such basic information should be in a printed sheet and handed out at follow-up appointments so people don't have to ask, be misinformed, and chase.

Imagine if I'd followed the other doctor's advice? I could easily have ruined my feet. That's not good for anyone; me, or the NHS. I really do think it's time the follow-up care matched the quality of the surgery.

Progress at 7 weeks 5 days and some other updates

One of the reasons for writing this blog is so that people considering the surgery, or booked in for it, or who had their surgery after mine, can see my progress and get an idea of how they will progress.

Obviously, everyone is different, and as a result we will not only all have different experiences of the surgery but also of the progress afterwards.

But I hope that this will give at least some idea of how the pain and mobility might be at certain points along the journey.

I realised that I forgot to mention a few things in my previous report because there was so much else to say.

Importantly, I wanted to mention that it took about 48 hours (two days) after the casts were removed before I could put my foot and toes totally flat on the floor without any pain.

I was surprised at how even that simple action was sore and difficult, but by two days afterwards, I was able to place the whole foot flat on the floor without difficulty, and put my weight through the whole foot too.

The first day I could, with effort, put my toes down, but there was no way I was going to put my weight on them! But the day after, I could do that too.

Now, at five days after the casts came off - I'll call it C-Day - I'm able to put all my weight on them happily, but I'm still wary of bending them as I walk, so I have a tenative way of walking that is slow and laboured.

But it's all progress, which is great.

I've labelled this post 7 weeks 5 days, which is actually yesterday, because I wanted to share yesterday's exercise pictures.

This one shows me pushing up on my toes on both feet. I have tried to hold a ruler so you can see how high I can get currently, but it's my black Filofax one and doesn't really show up well. I think I'll make a clearer one from cardboard for future pictures.

It's also not very accurate because the measurement doesn;t start at the edge of the ruler, but taking that into account you can see my heel comes up about 2.5inches.

This is just the left foot. I'm not sure if this one has more range of motion or if it's easier to push up on one foot at a time, but you might be able to see that this heel is around the 3-inch mark.

I promise I'll make a better ruler for next time!

I like to move it, move it

One of the main concerns in my recovery is getting full range of motion back in my big toes, so that I can walk, run, do yoga and, ahem, wear heels.

I did ask the doctor (not my surgeon) at the hospital when the casts were removed about exercises, but he said I didn't need to do them.

However, I know from reading other people's experiences that in America especially, people get given exercises to do, and it makes sense to me that it would be beneficial to do some, even if the NHS doesn't deem them necessary.

The main exercises I can find online pretty much all seem to be the same as these ones here.

The timings on the sheet are different, because it seems that in America people get their casts off really soon, after a couple of weeks. I'm not sure why that is as the standard bone healing time here in the UK is six weeks - if you break a bone, you get a cast for six weeks - so it seems odd to me that they'd take them off sooner than that.

I'm glad I had mine on for seven weeks as I feel it gave my bones a really good chance to heal in the right place.

Anyway, ignoring the timings, I am now trying to do the same exercises every day.

So I hold my big toe near the operated-on joint and move it up as much as I can without crying, then hold for ten seconds, then do the same thing moving it down and hold for ten seconds.

Then I put my toes on the floor and lift up as though going on tiptoe, putting weight through the toes, as much as I can without weeping in pain, and hold for ten seconds.

It really hurts.

I am careful not to push beyond discomfort into agony as that would be counterproductive, but I have learned from yoga that it's important to breathe through mild pain and listen to your body so that you challenge it, but at the same time don't push it too far.

Yesterday I took some pictures so that a) you lot could see how little I can move and b) I can chart my progress over the coming months.

This picture shoes how far I can currently lift my feet from the floor. It's not so bad - I could definitely get some low heels on lol.

The same exercise with just the left foot. Probably I should do this with a ruler for future pictures, but it looks about three inches?

This is me pointing my toes. I feel like they don't move at all when I do this!

Applying pressure to the toe to move it as far down as possible. Which is probably about one millimetre!

Overall I think that the progress is OK. Even in the last few days I've gone from it being painful to get my feet into the trainers, to being able to do it without pain, albeit gently and slowly.

You just don't realise how much you bend your toes in daily life until you can't do it easily. I have a new respect for elderly people now, I can tell you.

The big reveal. Part 3. A bath at last!

For me, the big moment was always going to be when I could at long last get my feet into warm water and begin to get to know them again.

That might sound odd, but I haven't been able to see, let alone touch, them for nearly two months, and now here they are all puffy and with sore red incisions, feeling tender and achy.

I really want to massage them and make them feel better, but I'm also scared to touch them in case it hurts too much!

Anyway, you're all just here for the pictures, so let's start with what they look like in the velcro shoes, while standing.

Sorry it's dark, we have ceiling spots in the bathroom and the multiple shadows they create, coupled with my amateur photography skills, make it difficult for me to get a good picture.

But I think you can see what my feet will look like in shoes once they're healed, and obviously once I no longer have to wear the spacers the other toes will move over into a more natural position, and I won't have a massive gap.

The next lot of pictures are close-ups of my dry scaly skin, and the incisions, steri strips and dried blood. If that's a problem for you, scroll down to the bottom, then scroll up slowly till you reach the point where I tell you it's safe!

Grimometer rating: 3/10

Off you go squeamish people!








Everyone else, here we go!

Nice huh? I was really interested in the pattern of the cracking on the balls of my feet. It wasn't what I'd expected, not that I'd thought about it much!







OK, squeamish people! You can come back in at this point. No more close-ups of grim stuff, I promise.




Next are some pictures just of my feet.

And just one more (well, you are reading a blog about feet!) showing my feet on the floor with a bit of weight on them, to try and see how they will look when I'm standing (but at this point I was too scared to stand on them!).

Again, apologies for the shadows. But you can see how the shape of my feet are very much more Roman now, than Greek. If that is all Greek to you (see what I did there?!) then have a read of this post, but basically this picture will show you what I mean.

Before I had the surgery, my feet looked like this:

And now they look like this.

If you can manage to get both pictures on your screen at once, you can see how amazing a job Mr Nugent has done.

At long last, it was time to get in the bath.

That was taken after I'd sorted out all the dead skin and cut my toenails. You'll be glad to hear that I didn't take any pictures of the dead skin, but suffice to say it was really quite disgusting.

There was so much on my feet, more than was obviously visible, that rubbing it off with my hands felt like I was degloving my foot.

Be very grateful I did the Googling for you - it also brings up pictures, and if I thought it was bad enough imagining it, I was right. DO NOT Google 'degloving' unless you are very strong of stomach. (There's no pictures on the link.)

Basically, it felt like I had a lot of very thick creamy stuff on my foot, which just slid off as I rubbed. Ugh. It really was vile.

And there was so much!

Eventually, it started to feel gritty when I rubbed, so I decided I'd reached virgin new skin that was very tender, and stopped. My feet were quite spottily red afterwards, and needed lots of cream rubbing in. But I will be doing that regularly from now on anyway to help them heal and to massage my scars.

I also peeled off my steri strips, which came off easily and without me feeling weird, once they were soaked through.

I gently dabbed at my feet with a towel to dry them, and gingerly applied loads of cream. The scars felt quite tender still, but I'm sure they will harden up with time.

To finish I put on some very thin socks to keep the cream from rubbing off. I used a pair I got from the soft play centre that are meant for one use only. They actually hold up quite well in the wash, and I like them as lightweight socks to put on after I've put cream on my feet at bedtime.

You can't buy them in the shops, as they are only sold in bulk from Blue Box Socks and I can't imagine having a use for 200 pairs! But they only cost £1 from play centres and my two pairs have survived a 40 degree wash quite happily.

So there you have it! The full and final reveal! Now it's on to relearning to walk, looking after my scars, and the final leg of the recovery.

The big reveal part 2. Doctor's verdict.

OK, I teased you a bit in that last post, but what's a little anticipation between friends?

Back at the orthopaedics department, we were called straight in and then waited for quite a while in a side room.

There were big signs everywhere saying "do not take pictures in here" I think mainly to stop you photographing your own X-rays, but laughably claiming it was to "protect your information". Right, not to encourage me to pay a fee to access my own information from you later, then. Of course not. Ahem.

So I took off the velcro shoes, and waited on the bed.

This was my view.

You can see how much of the steri strips I let the plaster lady pull off before I wimped out. My skin is still yellow from the stuff they paint on before surgery, and if you look closely you can see how dry and flaky my skin is.

At this point, I thought the worst dryness was on the top of my foot, near my ankle, and on the balls of my feet, where I could see it cracking.

After quite a while waiting a doctor came in to see me, but it wasn't Mr Nugent.

I have to say I wasn't happy about that. I had wanted to see my surgeon, and my dissatisfaction was exacerbated when this doctor - I didn't catch his name - said "Right, we'll get new casts on you then".

What?!

"Er," I said. "I've had them on for seven weeks, I thought they came off today."

"Oh yes," he said. "That's right, I thought you were at two weeks."

Really NOT confidence inspiring!

I was not happy. I asked him my questions about driving, exercises, shoes, and he told me "You can wear any shoes. You can drive on Monday. You don't need to do toe exercises. But don't exercise till you come back at 12 weeks."

Right.

So Mr Nugent told me to bring trainers, which I bought especially with money I don't really have, and now I'm told I can wear anything? And I don't need to do any exercises to improve my range of motion? And I can drive in six days' time?

I call BS on that, frankly.

I was, and am, really unhappy with that appointment. I feel that the doctor was not fully informed and I really wish I could have seen Mr Nugent.

Before I left, he got me to walk a little but I was SO SCARED that I couldn't really do it, and just put my weight on my heels. I was terrified of being in pain.

So I hobbled over to the computer and he showed me my X-rays. To be honest, I wouldn't know how good it was. I could see where the bone had been cut and moved, but without the old ones next to them, it was hard to tell anything really.

I want to know if Mr Nugent is happy with them, as he is my surgeon, but more of that later.

So, unsure about the shoes thing I put the velcro shoes on to go home and once we'd got the Little Lady to bed I ran myself a lovely warm bath so I could start de-flaking my feet.

If you want to see lots of pictures of that (my feet, not me nekkid in the bath) then look out for part 3 which is coming soon.

The big reveal part 1. Plaster room and X-ray.

Sorry everyone. There you are, waiting on tenterhooks to hear about the casts coming off, to see the final result, and I go AWOL.

Apologies.

The excuses are that my appointment on Tuesday was right at the end of the day, and by the time we got home and put the Little Lady to bed and had something to eat it was bedtime. Plus, I haven't worked out how to take good shots in artifical light and the flash on my camera bleaches everything out close-up, so I needed to wait.

And yesterday was my birthday, and I decided that instead of blogging and taking pictures that I would see friends, go out to lunch, and generally have a nice day.

So, sorry, but this is the first chance I've had to write.

Regular readers will know that I had my casts changed after two weeks, then had the new ones on for another five weeks, so a total of seven weeks.

We went to the hospital and this time I had to have the casts removed before having the X-rays.

I was sent to the plaster room (last time my surgeon removed the casts) and they did the same thing - cut the bandages round my ankles and then wiggled the casts off.

The lady did start to pull my steri strips off but it made me so squeamish I almost cried so I begged her to stop and told her I'd soak them off at home.

Another nurse dealing with the lady next to me (no privacy here, this is the NHS) told me she had had one bunion done, and I got the usual "you were brave" comment about having them both done at once.

I have to say, I don't feel brave. I mean, I know the recovery has been more onerous as I've not been able to walk at all, but at least I don't have to go through this again!

After the casts were off I felt very vulnerable, so I put my velcro shoes back on and wow! They wrapped so far round my feet I had to fold one of the flaps under! Amazing just how big those casts were.

See how thin my feet look there!

In X-ray, I had the same girl again who had one of her bunions done. She was impressed with my feet, which was reassuring, and we talked about shoes. She said she rarely wears heels now and makes sure her shoes are soft and supportive. I guess I really am going to have to rethink my shoes for a while!

Once she'd taken two shots of each foot, I went back to wait to be seen by Mr Nugent.

Head on over to part 2 for the next installment.

Another day, another pair of shoes (with pictures)

With just a week to go before I get my casts off (eight more sleeps!) I thought I'd share with you the extremely unattractive velcro shoes I've been wearing since the operation, the really quite unattractive trainers I've had to buy to wear for the next however-many weeks, and the simply beautiful heels I hope one day to be able to wear.

First-up, the velcro beauties. I've had to wear these all the time since the operation. They have a hard solid sole that doesn't bend, to protect my joints as they heal.

They are black, fasten with velcro, only come in one orientation (there's no left and right, each shoe is exactly the same) and are frankly awful.

As you can see, they are particularly clunky and in my opinion they don't even fit! My toes hang over the end so they feel really vulnerable.

I cannot wait to be rid of these.

Originally I planned to spray paint them a metallic blue and then paint the soles red as a cheeky nod to Louboutin. But the spraying needed to be done outside, so I had to ask the hubby to do it...nuff said.

Anyway, as of next Tuesday I'll be able to wear trainers.

Many of you might be thinking "that's great". That would be people who like trainers. I hate them.

I am still seething at having had to spend my money on a pair of trainers, and although I tried to find the most attractive pair I could (attractive trainers, surely an oxymoron) I'm not happy. It's partly because, obviously, I can't try them on.

This is them.

I think they are maybe just about bearable.

Let's have a closer look at the metallic details.

I am a little concerned that they are too narrow in the forefoot, but luckily I bought them from Schuh who have a 365-day returns policy! As long as they are in saleable condition, I have a whole year to send them back. So when I go to the hospital next week I'll also take some other trainery things and the surgeon can choose what he thinks is best.

Worst case scenario: he says no to all of them.

Then I'll just wear the velcro beauties home and get ordering more from Schuh! At least I'll be able to try them on by then.

And lastly, here are the aspirational shoes for the future, my £16 Next bargain beauties.

Aren't they lovely?

Let's just have a close-up of those adorable sequins.

I'm looking forward to wearing them - maybe for Regatta in July. Well, it's good to have a goal.

Shoes! (with pictures)

Anyone who knows me, knows I love a good shoe. I think until I had the Little Lady I was, to paraphrase John Lewis, never knowingly in flats.

I adored heels. I am a woman who once threw out 40, yes, FORTY, pairs of shoes and STILL had 70 pairs left. That is how much of an Imelda I am.

I have shoes in the porch cupboard, shoes in the spare room, a whole cabinet in the bedroom devoted to shoes, and still yet more shoes in my wardrobe. I wouldn't be surprised to open a kitchen cupboard and find a pair (especially not having seen the state of the kitchen this morning! Eek! My husband is definitely NOT a clean freak).

So when I was offered a VIP slot for the Next Christmas sale, I kinda had to go have a look, and of course none of the clothes I liked had been reduced but there were a number of pairs of super-cute shoes just crying out for a new home.

So far, only two of the three pairs I ordered have come. I also did order a lovely dress which I'm hoping will arrive in time for my birthday. It's sparkly and glam and only really a Going Out Out dress, which usually I don't buy because I rarely go Out Out these days, but it was cheap and it has small sleeves (rare on a nice dress) and, and...

Anyway, so I thought I'd share with you the two pairs I have received so far. Now, I know I won't be wearing these any time soon. I'm thinking maybe next winter they will get a chance to be on my feet. I have no intention of rushing my recovery, but at £16 a pair - yes, that's right, just £16 a pair - I figure that if they end up not fitting I can just sell them on.

The first pair I think might be OK before winter. They are a mid heel, and fairly wide, with a strap over the front for security (we all know that open court shoes, or pumps for my American readers, make you use your toes to keep them on), and they are just the most funkalicious leopard print on ponyskin too! (Actually, it is probably cheaper cow hide, but it has a lovely hairy feel.)

Look at that darling cone heel!

I know they're pointy, but I reckon that occasional wearings won't be too bad. I've definitely read that other people who've had this surgery can wear normal shoes later on, and if I am careful I'm hopeful I won't have to sell on my entire shoe collection.

The other pair are a bit naughty really. They are high, too high really for operated-on feet, but they are silver teamed with nude croc! I mean, who could resist? Add in an ankle strap (one of my weaknesses) and a peep toe (another one) and I could not refuse these shoes if you paid me.

Beautiful, huh?

I'll share the other pair with you as soon as they arrive later this month. Suffice to say: high banana heel, nude suede, cross-over peep toe detail...

On vanity, with pictures

Spending all this time in bed has done nothing for my glamour quotient, I can tell you.

Unwashed hair scragged back into a ponytail, bare toenails poking dully out from bandages, no make-up, outfits consisting of tracksuit bottoms at best, pyjama bottoms at worst - something had to give.

The problem with being in the casts and bandages for so long is that my feet have inevitably got a bit manky. Not being able to soak them, or exfoliate, coupled with the constant pressure on my heels whether I'm lying down with my heels on the bed, or walking around on my heels, has left them looking really dry.

I also had a peek under the bandages the other day and eek! I had read that the skin would be dry and scaly but oh my goodness! It's like I've become half lizard. Yuck.

And it is so hard to do anything about it right now.

If you can stomach it, here are some pictures of my dry heels.

This is the left heel. This one is the better looking one, if you can imagine that.

And this is the very scaly right one.

Ugh!

I am itching to soak them and get rubbing with my foot file, but I can't. So I tried putting loads of body butter on them. I like Dove pro-age nourishing body butter, it smells nice and is easily absorbed and also not too pricey.

This is the heels after:

Left

Right

As you can see, they do look better, but it hasn't really lasted and feels a bit like plastering over the cracks.

If you're wondering what the black spot is on the side of my heel/ankle, it seems to be some kind of bruise. I have them on both feet and they appear to be fading very slowing. I assume they were caused by a clamp during surgery but I don't actually know.

For New Year, I went to a friend's party. The hubby drove us there and I hobbled in on crutches and then spent the whole night on the sofa with my feet up on a crate of beer! Good times.

I actually ended up really sore after that evening. I got ready as quickly as I could, but even sitting on a chair to do my make-up made my feet painful, so even before I had left the house I was in a lot of pain and it was really hard to walk.

When I got home again, they were horribly swollen and I had to use pillows overnight to elevate them while I slept and try and reduce the swelling.

I'm obviously not really ready yet for doing very much, which is quite frustrating.

I did look glam for my night out though:

My friend came round and helped my dye my hair, and then I did some experimental blue glitter eyeliner wings on my eyes.

Finally, I made sure my feet weren't left out and gave them what I call a Dorothy pedicure - red glitter!

I took that picture on New Year's Day, and you will notice I even managed to force my casts through the legs of my slim fit jeans! Hurrah! I can wear decent clothes again. Wouldn't want to try it with skinnies though.